Clients Need You To Have Hard Conversations With Them

If you want to have the biggest possible impact - you need to have the conversations that no one wants to have. Clients need you to force these conversations.

Hi, I’m Rich. Welcome to my weekly newsletter, where I share systems and frameworks for scaling your consulting practice from $0 to $1m+ in revenue.

You can discover my 3-month personal coaching program or explore my new course, Proposal Mastery: Learn To Write Winning Business Proposals.

You Can’t Be An Agent Of Change Without Having Very Difficult Conversations

Back in 2017, I visited a client in Nashville.

I was there for just one day and began by interviewing the relevant stakeholders.

There were plenty of issues to solve, but one kept popping up:

The CEO.

He constantly changed his mind about their efforts, increasing and decreasing their priority and often shifting the goals. He set unreasonable expectations, created conflicting roles and responsibilities, and unintentionally undermined their efforts.

The fascinating thing was that the CEO wasn’t a jerk - everyone liked and admired him personally. However, they could not tell him directly that he was the problem. He had too much power and was prone to using it.

Immediately after I’d finished the morning stakeholder interviews, I had to present my findings in a meeting. So, I listed the problems which had arisen throughout the day:

• Conflicting roles and responsibilities.

• Inconsistent resourcing.

• Unrealistic expectations.

• Poor implementation of the technology.

• etc…

We sat around, discussed solutions, and moved forward with the rest of the strategy.

At the end of the project, everyone was happy and aligned. I was paid, and they received the strategy they requested.

But checking in a year later, not much had changed.

You Need To Have The Difficult Conversations

Looking back, I see that I failed them.

The stakeholders had confided in me, and I didn’t have the mental fortitude to address the issue directly. I listed the symptoms and ignored the problem because I didn’t want to have a difficult conversation, upset anyone, or ruffle feathers.

I didn’t want to criticise the CEO when he was in the room (he was genuinely a nice guy). I didn’t know how he would react, and I was worried he would be angry with me.

I also felt it wasn’t my job - I’m not a CEO coach or their HR team.

What a waste!

If I could go back in time, here’s what I’d do differently:

1) Set up a private meeting with the CEO.

I’d cancel the group meeting and have a private meeting with the CEO. If you’re going to deliver any criticism, it’s usually best to do it privately.

I’d probably set the stage by saying something like:

I want to share what I’ve learned from speaking with your team privately.

But before I begin, I want to note that you have a great team that likes and admires you.

The most consistent theme from the stakeholder calls is uncertainty, which they feel comes from you. People kept saying they had to meet unrealistic expectations, plans and priorities kept changing, and no one was quite sure who was responsible for which areas of the community.

We can tackle these issues individually, but we must first do two things.

The first is to provide a mechanism and space for the team to feel they can safely communicate these issues directly to you. Direct communication is critical for projects like these.

The second is to outline a vision to which you hold your team accountable, and they can hold you accountable.

etc….

These might not be the exact words, but you get the idea. I needed to confront the issue directly, make sure the CEO had the feedback I possessed, and create genuine, collaborative solutions for how we moved forward.

2) Create a safe place for people to voice concerns in a team meeting

Once I had the CEO on board, aligned with a vision, and aware of the problems, I could design a unique team meeting to move forward. This might be beginning the meeting with something like:

“In the interviews, many of you listed problems such as [x], [y], and [z]. But you also mentioned these problems had a root cause - a CEO who unintentionally creates uncertainty,

So, I’ve had a separate meeting with [the CEO], and we’ve aligned on a 1-year promise which outlines the vision, realistic expectations, and the resources you will be provided with. He’s listed his commitments to you not to change them in an email we’ll send out after this meeting.

If these begin to shift at any point, he has asked you to reply and tell him that he is breaking his commitments.

[CEO] will leave the room soon so we can collaborate on implementing this vision together. But before we do, we want to figure out how we best communicate with each other.

Many of you shared things with me you hadn’t shared with [the CEO] - and I think it’s essential to learn why.

So first [the CEO] is going to share his thought process so you understand where he’s been coming from in the requests and expectations. After that, we’re going to discuss how we can better communicate concerns. Why didn’t you feel you could communicate issues directly, and how would you like to communicate problems in the future?”

I might not use those exact words, but you get the idea. I’m creating an environment that feels comfortable and provides everyone with the opportunity to bring about lasting change.

It’s Not Your Job, But It’s Part of The Job

Two things are worth noting here.

These are two things which have held me back.

1. It’s not my job. Improving the team's communication with the CEO isn’t in my scope of work. But it has to be done if the project will succeed, and that puts it squarely within my responsibilities.

2. It might ultimately fail. The CEO might get defensive, the meeting might break into a shouting match, and things might not be resolved. Or, perhaps no one will speak up, so I’d probably just share the feedback without mentioning the person.

   But here’s the thing about failure. Even if it fails, at least I can go home knowing I did everything I could to bring about the change. I’ve at least brought the brutal truths to light. They can’t pretend they aren’t aware of the problems anymore. If they choose to ignore it, that’s on them. Better yet, I’ve created an environment where that change can happen - I’ve provided mechanisms to try and resolve their issues.

Failing is better than never trying.

Clients Need You To Have Hard Conversations With Them

It’s not always made explicit, but clients need you to have the hard conversations with them.

This doesn’t mean you should be blunt or tactless.

No one likes a jerk.

And how you deliver the information significantly impacts how it’s received (and whether it’s accepted).

If I had told the CEO in front of everyone that all the problems were his fault, it would never have gone well.

You need to deliver the information in a way that allows people to tell themselves a positive story and often draw their own conclusions.

This often means setting the scene, creating a sense of psychological safety, convincing people of that safety, and then having the conversation.

(It’s also critical you’re never seen as taking sides.)

It feels uncomfortable to do this at first. But that’s the point. If it’s awkward for you, imagine how uncomfortable it will be for the audience to speak their truths to the people they work with daily.

But discomfort is never a good reason to disengage.

To get things done as a consultant, you often need to dance with your discomfort and help others dance with theirs.

This is a long way of saying you should never run away from the truths or the difficult conversations.

Whether organisations know it or not - you’re there to address precisely the issues you uncover.

Good luck!

Richard Millington

Connect with Rich

• Are you new to the newsletter? Subscribe for free

• Follow me on LinkedIn for more insights

• Learn to write persuasive business proposals with my Proposal Mastery course.

• Get 1 to 1 personal coaching. Get a personal coach to help you grow your consultancy practice. Tackle topics like positioning, client acquisition, delivering exceptional value, industry leaderships, and building the systems to thrive. Hit reply or learn more about my coaching approach.